On Infertility: An Open Letter to Myself

Dear Sara,

"So, when are you going to try for baby #2?"

I know you hear that question. A lot. And I know the sort of emotions that go along with that question. Sadness. Anger. Bitterness.

It hasn't always been that way. A couple years ago, you answered that question with a smile and the word "soon." Soon. And you believed it. You believed that soon your belly would grow and your life would once again change in that most wonderful of ways.

And then? The months passed. And in spite of your hopes and prayers, you never saw two lines on a pregnancy test.

It's exhausting, isn't it? The way your heart beats a little faster as you wait for results. The way your heart sinks when you see only one line. The way you feel a little bit foolish for letting yourself hope in the first place.

Every one-line result - every dashed hope - etches another fault line upon your heart. And those cracks? Well, that's where the sadness and the anger and the bitterness seep in.

Sara, in the midst of your struggles, it's important to remember.

Remember that God is still on the throne. His plan is still perfect, and He is still working all things for His glory. Even this.

Remember that when you can't change the answer, you can change the question. The question is not "God, why are You making me go through this" but "God, what are You trying to teach me through this?" Your mission on this earth is to become like Christ, who demonstrated humility and obedience in accepting God's will for His life. Submit to God's will, trusting in His plan and purpose for your life.

Remember who you are and whose you are. You are God's child, holy and dearly loved. You belong to the God whose words created the cosmos, whose sacrifice broke the tyranny of death, and whose goodness will prevail. You can rest in Him.

Remember that God is the Author of your life. Your story is different from the story He is writing in the lives of others. Don't compare. Play your part, and play it well.

Remember to hope. Your hope does not hinge upon the circumstances of your life. No, your hope is found in Jesus Christ. In the power of His blood. In the empty tomb. Your hope is a living hope, an eternal hope. So hope. Always hope.

And remember that God is good. The God who you serve is able to open wombs and build families. But even if He does not, He is still good. He is always good.         

June: In Review

I am in love with summer. 

I love the way the days stretch and the sunlight lingers. I love the way life unfurls in pinks and purples and yellows throughout the garden. But most of all, I love the people with whom I get to enjoy each long, sun-soaked summer day. 

Here are a couple of the beauties popping up in the garden: 

We tried to get a "generation picture" at a recent family get together. So many things are wrong with this picture: no one is looking at the camera, the shot is crooked and not centered. But I love it! I can't even remember what we were laughing at, but this picture sums up how I feel when I am with these people:

The highlight of June was a trip to Florida to visit my sweet brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and nephew. I loved every single moment of our trip! Our week in Florida was filled with mornings at the beach, World Cup games, cousin hugs, and delicious food. What a blessing it was to do life together for the week!

Asher is quite the beach bum this year! How cute is he in his little swimsuit?!

This is my favorite picture EVER of Asher and his cousin! We dragged them along to three World Cup games during our visit, and they were troopers! The highlight of my trip was watching them play together. They shared, they fought, they hugged, they shoved - and they became best friends:

Love these boys and their excitement for "the beautiful game"! I also love that Asher has the influence of so many godly men in his life!

My sister-in-law is always so welcoming when we invade her home! I loved the time I got to spend with her during our stay, especially the conversations we were able to have (usually while chasing two active little boys!):

I found my first shark's tooth!:

Covered in shells:

LOTS of time spent in the car!:

This little boy gets sillier every single day!:

I seriously can't get enough of Florida's Spanish moss and palm trees:

May: In Review

May was filled with sweet little moments. And I want to remember every single one.

We started the month with a visit to the Frederik Meijer Gardens to see the Butterflies in Bloom exhibit. Our little Batman loved wandering through the tropical gardens, but absolutely refused to stand anywhere near a butterfly. Every superhero has his weakness, right?

We also spent a day at Tulip Time in Holland. Our visit was brief due to chilly weather, but we had a wonderful time wandering the streets of Holland, enjoying delicious treats, and visiting the different attractions. 

We celebrated Mother’s Day with family. We enjoyed lunch at a local restaurant with my Mom and Grandma and spent the afternoon wandering around downtown. The day was relaxed and filled with my favorite things. William was so sweet – he worked hard to help Asher make me feel appreciated all day. Love my boys!

William and I enjoyed the most relaxing, fun-filled anniversary getaway to Grand Haven. You can read more about that here.

We’ve been getting pretty serious about healthy living around here. We’ve recently become convicted of our responsibility to be good stewards of our health. In an effort to improve our family health habits, we have been eating mostly whole foods and getting lots of exercise!  Biking is one of our favorite ways to stay active as a family. For the last few weekends, we have been hitting the White Pine Trail for an 18-mile bike ride. Asher does a great job riding along with us … it probably helps that we bribe him with ice cream at the end of the trip. Ha! These bike rides have become one of my favorite ways to spend time together!

We spent Memorial Day at the lake with my family. Before the festivities started, I hit a flea market with my Mom and sister. We spent the rest of the day on the water – paddle boating, swimming, and fishing.

Because the weather is getting warmer, we have been taking advantage of every single moment we get to spend outside. Last week, Asher and I had an impromptu “camping trip” in the backyard. We pitched a tent, read some books, and ate some s’mores.

We also took a quick, spontaneous trip to Grand Haven with Wes and Kylene. We went out for dinner and tried to walk the pier but it was so cold! That didn’t stop us from getting ice cream though! Ha!

 I would relive every single moment of May. In a heart beat.